you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
