ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
