Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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