Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
do herpes really smell.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
