Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
