I'd wear matching sweaters with you
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
