Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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