I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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