I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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