Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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