what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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