Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
