During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
