My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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