Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
How does one acquire holy water?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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