lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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