I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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