I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
