Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize