Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
