I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
