the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize