Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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