best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
