I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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