So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
