why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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