dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
