i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She's the barista slut.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize