I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize