tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
