I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
