so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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