I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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