3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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