Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize