Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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