Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize