I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize