I seem to have left my pride at pride
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
