i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
