apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
