do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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