id be glad to
Soap is not a condiment
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
