I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
