I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
