He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
