okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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