Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
