Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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