Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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