i love accidental penises.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
