I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
