the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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