cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
