Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
