I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
