I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
