respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
