I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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