you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
