You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
if only i could text you this smell
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
