OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
